Monthly Archives: February 2021

Own Your Shit

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Personal responsibility & Hard Truths are essential for a good life…

GOOD LIFE /ɡo͝od/ /līf/

  1. A life enhanced by greater fulfillment, contentment, and happiness as the result of embracing one’s contribution(s) to their struggle and adversity in an effort to exercise personal growth.
  2. Do better, be better

Let’s start with a quick self-check:

Consistently makes mistakes. Check. Doesn’t know everything. Check. Levels unrealistic expectations on situations and others. Check. Intentionally avoids things out of fear. Check. Lies. Check. Subject to poor judgment. Check. Experiences shame. Check.

‘Welcome to the club’, as they say. Move along folks, nothing to see here. Turns out, we’re all human.

News flash: Not One Among Us is Perfect.

As if life isn’t complicated enough, each of us is burdened with our own special brand of baggage that influences how we feel, react, and see the world. Sadly we often fail to offer much compassion for the weight of our neighbor’s baggage as we practice stuffing our own ugly under the bed. Out of sight, out of mind. Truth? It’s still there…waiting…always.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the best way to lighten the load is by exercising hard truths and taking personal responsibility for aspects of our lives that make us feel unhappy. Seems simple enough, right? Unfortunately, human beings are inclined toward comfort, and admitting the myriad of ways we orchestrate our own unhappiness is a tough order. It hurts to be brutally honest about the part we play, our missteps and mistaken choices. I get it…it’s uncomfortable.

We don’t want to feel bad. Our friends and family don’t want us to feel bad either and they’re always willing to let us off the hook because we all recognize that honesty is hard, and it doesn’t feel good to admit when we screw up.

Do it anyway.

Be courageous, exercise personal integrity, admit your choices and accept their consequences. Being brutally honest with oneself in the spirit of taking personal responsibility for our mistakes and failures (aka: owning our shit) is critical to our personal growth and happiness. Comfort breeds complacency. Noooo bueno. Complacency is the opposite of critical assessment. It is uncritical satisfaction. It’s a lie, and it isn’t lasting. Lie long enough and you’ll get real good at playing the blame game and playing the victim. It’s a bad, bad road that leads one to believe there is no freedom of choice, that the world and circumstance exercise complete agency over our lives. “Poor me, the world has it out for me. I didn’t want to do things this way, but I didn’t have a choice, and now my life sucks.”

Doesn’t sound like the kind of life I want to live. You?

While it is true there are external pressures that wield some power to negatively affect us, it is also true that our perceptions can provide us with the best course of action to combat negative spiraling. If we’re honest, we recognize and own our choices and their consequences, we learn from them, and we get on with things. We are not victims of circumstance. Complacency is a lived lie. Comfort cannot be a permanent state of being. Success and happiness are hard-won by doing the work, doing better, being better. Give yourself reasons to be proud of yourself. Get honest: who are you? what do you want, what work do you need to do to achieve it? Life can be stagnant or lived in a forward motion. It’s a choice.

Remember, Dear Reader: Lies enable complacency. Personal responsibility fuels forward motion. Another key point to remember is that you alone are responsible for your choices. It is not for others to help you fulfill or manage them. Your shit, YOU own it.

Own Your Shit and Rock On…

Sorry, Not Sorry…

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There is something to envy in the nakedness of trees. An unabashed, shamelessness. They are as they are, in whatever season they occupy. Each has its own distinct beauty, regardless of time or age.

We are like trees…

Except that we are thinking things consistently under threat from a manufactured world that can make us blind to our own beauty. Other experiences, mostly manicured, are marched before the eye via all forms of media. They often appear fuller, more beautiful and impactful than our own, even if we know better. A steady diet of such media does little for the soul and tends to enhance a sense of meaninglessness and destructive internal dialogue.

“I’m not good enough…I’m not doing enough…I’m not enough…”

Self destructive, loathsome internal dialogue. We wouldn’t think of treating a friend or a loved one the way we treat ourselves. Yet it’s so common to be kind to the world, but unkind to oneself. We let outside sources communicate to us who we aspire to be and we abide.

The simplest remedy for negative internal dialogue is to disengage from sources that reinforce it in ways that enable us to see our self worth. To take time to meditate on our abilities, identify our gifts, and recognize we exist to contribute something meaningful and profound to life. When the world creeps in and we start to feel inferior, it is important to stand up for oneself and acknowledge the profundity and uniqueness of life. Even the simplest actions we engage in during our lifetime are meaningful and profound in ways we may never know. Have faith…

You. Are. Enough.

Try this to retrain negative internal dialogue: refuse to be apologetic. Try listing a few:

I will not apologize for my life experiences, good or bad.

I will not apologize for the way I look.

I will not apologize for aging.

I will not apologize for the way I feel.

I will not apologize for my anger.

I will not apologize for my flaws.

I will not apologize for my opinions.

I will not apologize for my faith.

I will not apologize, for I AM ENOUGH.

And you are, Dear Reader. You are enough. I am enough. And we do not need the approval or affirmation of an outside world to believe it or live it.

Let’s be like trees, unabashed and shameless in the nakedness of our individuality. We are each beautiful and profound, in every season.

Rock on…

*Image courtesy of: http://www.womenlivingwellafter50.com*

Dear Reader [an apology]…

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A virus…wow…

Dear Reader, I am sorry. Let’s call it a distraction. Distraction from the norm, the world, life as we know it, anything resembling the usual day-to-day. Nothing makes sense. Nothing looks the way it’s supposed to look. Nothing functions properly. For the entire world, this horrid virus has disrupted everything, and crept (against all positive effort) into the psyche of every individual, like an intruder through an open window at midnight. A distraction to say the least.

Dear Reader, I am sorry. We have lost loved ones and friends, and as if this wasn’t enough for the heart to endure, we’ve been denied our basic human need to be at the bedside or hold a hand. We’ve lost our freedom to travel, to experience new things, to adventure. We have even lost the ability to venture forward, losing jobs or income, and facing meager prospects as many suspend hiring. We don’t get to see smiles anymore. Hidden behind our masks, we sit…and stay…and wait.

But let’s not repeat the news. For it rarely provides anything of substance, only promoting a grim picture and inciting anger and frustration. Isn’t there enough of that in the world today? Do we need a constant stream of negativity and blind regurgitation?

Step away from the screens and the sounds of the reported world…step away with me. Let’s endeavor to hope. Let’s imagine the smiles we cannot see. Let’s create our own dialogue.

Dear Reader, tell me when you smiled last. What prompted it? Was it a kindness? A sweet memory? Have you had many smiles lately? I hope this for you.

Dear Reader, tell me something good. When we’re finally allowed to emerge from our restrictions, what will you have learned? What positives occurred? What will you want to take with you? I hope you have had more good than bad.

Dear Reader, tell me your hopes. Is it a struggle? How have they kept your sanity intact? Do you hope for specifics, or something more abstract? I hope for you.

Dear Reader, you mean something to me. We are a species of survivors, it’s true. Moreover, we are a species immensely capable of great emotion, discernment, and creativity. Let’s cling to the better parts of ourselves and be here for each other in ways that matter. Let’s endeavor to be more. To be a lingering happy memory, a light in the darkness, a prayer of hope and healing. Let’s strive to be better and do better. Let’s be indiscriminately kind.

Dear Reader, I will be here, more than I have in the past. That is my promise. It is worth focusing my attention (now more than ever) toward promoting greater positivity and kindness. To persist in the belief that we can redirect our thinking toward what’s right with the world, instead of what’s wrong. Let’s endeavor to hope. There is no alternative worth pondering.

Rock on, all you beautiful, bold souls…I see you, and you are not alone.

Rock on…

Image credit belongs to: https://blog.ec4u.com/en/apology-sorry-how-to-apologize-to-customers/