Category Archives: Uncategorized

…Don’t be a Dick

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407225         (Sorry for the title, had to grab your curiosity)

The world is such a hectic place…

We live like working cogs, part of a global machine that seems to have developed a mind of its own, simply by its existence and growing complexity.  It is so complex in fact, that a single individual can only hope to be familiar with some small subset of its inner workings.  We can hope to become very knowledgable of perhaps one, tiny slice of the pie, if extraordinarily lucky and we work extraordinarily hard.

The connectivity is amazing.  At the touch of key or click of the mouse, we can go anywhere, experience anything.  Knowledge has become an endless resource, accessible anytime, night or day, as long as we have a signal.  We can know anything we wish to know…it is very hard to stump Google.

With such an endless supply of knowledge at our fingertips, why ask for help or guidance from someone else?  It takes so much time to seek out the right person to ask, and even if we find them, they may not know the answer.  How disappointing is that?!  I mean, who has that kind of time to waste?!   It’s so much more efficient to simply point, click…and forget.

In our endeavors to make life easier, we have really made ourselves quite irrelevant.  There are fewer and fewer reasons to really engage one another, have a conversation, or stop to care.  We are constantly in the way, blocking the aisle, impeding traffic, affecting life in a million tiny ways that complicate and irritate our neighbor.

And there are so many of us…

The planet is full of human beings and the number continues to grow like a newborn infant.  Thanks to all of our knowledge and advancement in areas like medicine, we’ve increased the amount of time the average human being can spend here, in Nirvana.  We can’t help but get in each other’s way.  You can’t swing a stick without hitting another human being in the jaw with it.  There are fewer places of solitude, spaces where one can commune with nature alone, without a single soul nearby.  Though we need it, so badly…

Human need hasn’t changed with the times.  Stubbornly, people still need love, acceptance, friendship…and a sense of peace.

Denying our needs is asking for trouble.  Imbalance leads to unhappiness and physical illness, yet we do everything we can to keep up, gain ground, run the race.  We make choices that favor progress more than stillness.  And people complicate progress in the worst way, because relationships require the most precious commodity in the world…

…our time

We spend so much time alienating others to save time and effort that we forget we need them.  This is where the hope comes in…the humanity…that most stubborn, needy thing.  We can’t help ourselves.  We need, whether we want to or not, whether we admit it or not.

But now it’s muddled up by the fact that we’ve done so well in our globalized existence that we’ve alienated ourselves from one another.  We no longer have the skills required to communicate intimately with another human being.  We don’t have listening skills, because we’ve insulated ourselves from having to do it for so long (it just took too much time).  We’ve forgotten what it’s like to experience the simple joy of really listening and engaging another person, that we spiral in our inabilities until we’re alone and bitter, wondering why others aren’t there for us.  

Formula:  2much knowledge + 2little empathy = 1 selfish, self-righteous dick 

Still, there is a lot of light left in the world.  People are impressed by the little things. Heroes are made by the smallest display of kindness.  Those who listen, empathize, and communicate well are valued beyond words.  These are aspects that bring humanity back into focus, and as long as there are still people in the world that really see their value, we’re going to be okay.

Advice for the future should go something like this:

  • Do your best to slow down.
  • Stop talking, listen more
  • Respect life, all life, as something meaningful and independently sacred
  • Spend your time on something worthwhile, like a conversation
  • Endeavor to meet new people, because they will fill you with knowledge you cannot get anywhere else in the world
  • Make eye contact
  • Exercise faith in something besides yourself
  • Strive to introduce kindness, generosity, and good things into the world, simply because you are capable of doing so
  • Do not manage people, take them as they are, without bias
  • And above all, love

Rock on, my humans….rock on 🙂

*Image credit goes to: http://pixgood.com/human-population-clipart.html*

Optimism and the Promise of Potentiality…

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Optimism naturally seeks ouFreedom Faith & Letting Got the potential for what is hopeful, kind, and promising.
Every experience possesses potential.
Potential occupies powerful neutrality, good or bad, catalyzed and shaped by individual interaction.
If we approach the potential of a moment with optimism, we allow it the power to gift us with good things. Moments cannot be owned or controlled, so expectations are out of the question. Freedom to exist in the moment dictates a level of surrender to what is unknown. The freedom to surrender is only achievable through an optimistic spirit, and it opens the senses to that which is beautiful and wondrous.
Feed yourself a steady diet of optimism by making habit of opening yourself to the experience the moment has to offer.

The lyrics of the Matt Simons song, “Catch and Release” provide a wonderful description of this process…

There’s a place I go to
Where no one knows me
It’s not lonely
It’s a necessary thing
It’s a place I made up
To find out what I’m made of
The nights are stayed up
Counting stars and fighting sleep
Let it wash over me
I’m ready to lose my feet Take me off to the place where one reveals life’s mysteries
Steady on down the line
Lose every sense of time
Take it all in and wake up that small part of me
That day-to-day I’m blind to see
And find how far
To go
Everybody got their reason
Everybody got their way
We’re just catching and releasing
What builds up throughout the day
It gets into your body
And it flows right through your blood
We can tell each other secrets
And remember how to love

There’s a place I’m going
No one knows me
If I breathe real slowly
Let it out and let it in
It can be terrifying
To be slowly dying
Also clarifying
We end where we begin
Let it wash over me
I’m ready to lose my feet
Take me off to the place where one reveals life’s mysteries
Steady on down the line
Lose every sense of time
Take it all in and wake up that small part of me
That day-to-day I’m blind to see
And find how far
To go
Everybody got their reason
Everybody got their way
We’re just catching and releasing
What builds up throughout the day
It gets into your body
And it flows right through your blood
We can tell each other secrets
And remember how to love

{To listen, use this link to hear a great version: https://youtu.be/HZm9P0w61_U}

Adventure and happiness often coexist within the courage of great abandon. The practice produces an affect not unlike the way filtering sunlight through a dense wood finds the dark ground beneath to illuminate and induce healthy new growth.  Optimism becomes a light that spawns the growth of happiness and new forms of optimism.
It is its own confidence…
Confident optimism is born of a million faith-tested moments. Be courageous. Run off the edge. Work without a net, arms wide to embrace the inherent potential of a moment to change and color your life forever in ways that defy all logic and definition 🙂

Sad is not bad, it’s necessary…

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Recently, we experienced the ordeal of our daughter, our youngest, leaving home for college. What followed were several evenings of looking awkwardly across the dinner table at each other, lots of silence, and a profound, unshakable sadness.   Obviously, there was some anticipation of emotional pain prior to the event, since our son had left home three years earlier, but it did little to cushion the blow of our suddenly-empty house and empty hearts.

When your children leave home, even in happiness and excitement for their future, your life completely upends. Everything changes, and the loss of their presence is tangible.  Adjustment begins slowly and naturally, in urgent necessity, accomplished through the process of grieving what has been lost.  A shroud of sadness settles over us like a healing cocoon, incubating against a world that continues to move, unmoved, by our personal hell.  For a time, we curl into our memories of hugs and spoken words, the sheets that smell like a distant perfume, and trophies lovingly packed away into boxes with labels.

Such an incubation period is necessary to healing, yet people outside our grief are not comfortable with our sadness…

The concept of ‘being sad’ has somehow been perverted. It has become a status of disdain, to be avoided or treated away as quickly as possible.  But just as happiness has its place in our life journey, so does sadness.  If we weren’t so preoccupied with the belief that one should be in an impossible state of ‘constant happiness’, we might be better equipped to see the positive aspects of something that makes us, essentially…’feel bad’.

Sounds like a contradiction…I mean, how can something that makes us feel bad, be good for us?

In the case of our daughter leaving home, I can say my sadness is good, because it comes from a place of deep, intense love. I’m grieving my personal loss of her presence, which added so much immeasurable happiness to my daily life.  However, I grieve for me, yet rejoice for her and for the world that will now have the unique opportunity to get to know her.  It is in the hope for her future that I find my way through the grief of her leaving.  Thankfully, I grieve a change, impermanent in that I still have her in my life, though no longer under my roof.

A few days after her arrival at college, one of the students on campus went missing. Two days ago, as we visiting our daughter, a body was found just off campus and identified as the missing young woman.  I will not pretend to be capable of comprehending the level of grief her family is now experiencing…

What I do know is that their grieving, like mine, is necessary

Grief, on all levels, is an acknowledgement. We are fragile creatures.  Without acknowledgment of the truth, the pronounced permanence and unpredictability of change, we cannot find the acceptance necessary to move on.  Grief simultaneously teaches us and puts us in our place.  The stages grow in us a steady, burning desire to continue to live, learn, love, and inspire.

When we’re on the outside of grief, watching another in pain, we want to make it better. We recognize pain is painful and our compassion wishes it away, especially when it’s someone we love.  We just want to make it all better, but we need to exercise patience and respect for the process and acknowledge it.  It’s important to remember that grief, sadness, and pain are necessary components to the human experience.

Nothing highlights great happiness as much as marked sadness. Never was one so overjoyed to come into the light, as one who has just emerged from the darkest forest floor.  The key to grief and sadness is maintaining, and promoting, hope.  Hope is the tiny light that beckons through the darkest hour, pointing us toward acceptance and beyond.

No matter the cause, we really shouldn’t seek to counsel those who are grieving. Grief is a natural process, like breathing, so let it be.  Grief shouldn’t be chastised simply because it makes us uncomfortable.  Instead, grief should find respect for its process.  It should be met with patient compassion and loving hopefulness for its promise to yield to brighter days  🙂

 

*Image courtesy of:  http://evolvingfaith.blogspot.com/p/grief-quotes.html*

MOVING…onward & upward to New Mexico!

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NMBlogIt’s official:  I’ve been accepted to Graduate School with NMSU!  I will begin my study Spring 2015!

I’m very happy and excited, although the work of moving 14 years of accumulated ‘stuff’ is quite intimidating ;P

…totally doable, and do it I shall! 

The physical move is really only one small part of this new change.  Nothing in life seems to come in tiny, bite-sized pieces, but I like to remind myself that I learned to ride my bike uphill, so I seem to be hardwired for it. 

Our youngest is leaving home for college next month.  She will be attending in-state and our son just recently moved back in-state…and now we are leaving.  Am I right to say that it seems to run counter to what is ‘normal’ in these situations?

I mean: ‘kids-leave-home’…normal.  Check. 

But….

‘Kids-and-parents-leave-home-at-same time-and-parents-move-allllll-the-way-across-the-Continental-United-States-away-from-kids’…hmmm…normal?  Not so much!

Being always hopeful in life and maintaining an optimistic attitude is so incredibly important.  Now more than ever, personally.  BIG changes coming on the horizon, folks, but it’s all good.

I’ll be sure to keep ya’ll posted 🙂

 

*image credit: http://deafnetwork.com/wordpress/blog/2013/09/18/nms-schools-for-deaf-and-visually-impaired-provide-little-online-data*

Please listen to your flight attendant….

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Before every plane ride, the cramped individuals of the cabin are always treated to the preflight safety instructions.  They’re always the same; the flight attendant walks us through what to do and where to go in case of an emergency.  If you’ve flown more than once, it’s more likely you will be fumbling with your tiny airplane pillow or an electronic device, rather than listening to this standard briefing.  But I’ve chosen it as a blog topic for good reason.  There is actually a really great bit of advice to be found, metaphorically, within the mundane instruction.

Included in preflight safety instructions is what to do if cabin pressure changes.  When cabin pressure changes on an airline, it triggers the emergency oxygen masks to drop from overhead each passenger.  The instructions given for what to do when the masks dropped always perplexed me when I was younger.  The flight attendant tells the passengers that they must ‘first secure their own mask, before placing a mask on their child’.

I always used to think that seemed a bit selfish.  I mean, isn’t the first instinct of a parent to run to the aid of their child, without regard for themselves?  That seems right…save the child first.

Then, I had children.  And now I see the wisdom in the words.  I think it’s natural, especially for women, to forget your own needs.  We get good at putting ourselves on the back burner for others.  Anything else seems selfish.  After all, taking time for yourself is frowned on, because the perception is that by making time for yourself, you are taking it away from someone else.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

The reason the flight attendant insists on putting your mask on first is so you can take care of your child.  Without that mask, and the oxygen it provides, you will lose consciousness while trying to help your child.  The result is a child left without a parent to care for them, without protection, and in grave danger.  The metaphor is pretty powerful; if you don’t take care of yourself, you cannot possibly hope to be present to truly provide the care those you love really need.

This week, the actor Philip Seymour Hoffman died of drug overdose in his New York City apartment.  Alone.  On the bathroom floor.  I can think of few, more sadly preventable ways to die.  Police found 40 bags of heroine in his apartment, and he was found only because he failed to pick up his three young children as promised that day.  Please don’t interpret any anger on my part as being aimed at Mr. Hoffman.  I hate addiction, not the addicted.  Mr. Hoffman, a beautiful, talented human being, filled with the same potentiality for life that every human being possesses, chose in a moment of emptiness to believe the lie of addiction.  It is a lie which says that something other than living and being ever-present in your life is somehow better in a given moment.  It says there is no truth in human pain and suffering, nothing to be learned.  It insists pain simply be eradicated, even if only as a temporary reprieve.  But in truth, addiction is pain.  It is a thief that robs life and replaces it with more and more hollow emptiness.  Numbness replaces presence.  Game over…

Addiction allows us to play the victim.  It hides the ability and free will of the human spirit which empower all good practice and positive thought.  Addiction is the lie, because we are not victims to anything but our own minds.  We live our choices.  No one chooses to be an addict, but we do choose to do the things that set addiction in motion.  Life is a powerful experience that merits responsibility for identifying what is best and discerning what is good and right in our lives.  Life is precious and fragile…so respect the journey.

So please, listen to your flight attendant.  Take care of yourself first.  Feed yourself full to the top with good things, so you can be ready and able to be there for all those other human beings you love so much  🙂

*image provided by: http://williamtollefsonvalues.blogspot.com/2013/07/addiction-recovery-southwest-florida.html