Tag Archives: self-improvement

Seeking the Profound

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We are seekers.

When I was younger, the idea of ‘finding myself’ was appealing. Taken literally, it’s a ridiculous statement. Find myself? I can answer that one: I’m here, writing these words. And you, Dear Reader, are where you are, reading them (and hopefully enjoying them?). But ‘finding myself’ isn’t a statement regarding physicality. And, although its use is often dripping with undue romanticism, its merit is its intention to communicate a base desire. Specifically, the desire to intimately connect what it means to be and become.

We are living beings encapsulated in the complexity of being and becoming.

We know who we are. To be is current, and immediately relevant. Not static per se, but less unknown, more identifiable. In contrast, becoming is completely unknown to us, occurring in some abstract future impacted by constant change, choice, and consequence. Still, we want to manage it. We like our control. But deep down, we innately know it cannot be managed because we recognize life involves the persistent convergence of happenstance, action, and response that often lead us down roads we never knew existed.

Look back Dear Reader, could you have imagined today as little as five years ago? How about 10 years, or 20? Our past serves as evidence that plans rarely manifest as planned and we are, to large degree, the architects of our here-and-now, a today constructed from the choices (good and bad) of our past. Knowing these things and the unpredictability we face, we tenaciously seek the profound. This is what ‘find myself’ means: that we understand the profoundness of our moments. Seeking the profound is an exercise whereby we simultaneously identify the importance of wanting for, and seeking out, those things that will make the future an improvement on what we know and live now.

Change is the one true constant.

We know it, but we endeavor to set up our moments to be deeply meaningful. The tapestry of our life has enough hiccups in the fabric. We yearn for a deeper color, that one amazing, flawless design, that will move us (and maybe others) to a higher plain of existence. The problems arise when we don’t see the potential of our current circumstance to move us profoundly. I am guilty of this, Dear Reader. I’m betting I’m not alone in it.

The mistaken romantic notion of ‘finding myself’ is that it involves an exit strategy, or the shedding of one’s skin. But the circumstances that prompt us to seek the profound are rarely as simple as location. As Gus said to Lori in Lonesome Dove, “Life in San Fransisco is still just life”. Yearnings are mostly romantic, but the why behind the yearning should be scrutinized. Romanticism often leads us far off course into barren, dry soil searching for a movie ending. In other words, the profound has more substance and can be found right now, in the heart and mind, without ever leaving your seat. The profound can be something witnessed sure, but it can also be something realized from within, in a simple encounter, a conversation, a daydream. We should never deny the potential of any moment to be profound, otherwise we risk being unable to recognize the profound when it’s staring us in the face. Before we go packing that bag to set off on some great adventure that will end with a hollow sense of disappointment we should ponder why we feel the need for such abandon. Are we running away? How did the here-and-now lose its sense of profoundness? When was the last time we felt we touched it? Sometimes a deep dive dissection of our being is a valuable way to determine what our becoming should look like.

Let’s grab more of what’s truly profound and live our best life. Rock on beautiful beings…rock on.

Image cred goes to: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fquotefancy.com%2Fquote%2F1141218%2FCharles-Caleb-Colton-Mystery-is-not-profoundness&psig=AOvVaw3yq_GtyRl1mBfQeNxmsPx5&ust=1614709510764000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CA0QjhxqFwoTCJjC-Ovbj-8CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD

Own Your Shit

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Personal responsibility & Hard Truths are essential for a good life…

GOOD LIFE /ɡo͝od/ /līf/

  1. A life enhanced by greater fulfillment, contentment, and happiness as the result of embracing one’s contribution(s) to their struggle and adversity in an effort to exercise personal growth.
  2. Do better, be better

Let’s start with a quick self-check:

Consistently makes mistakes. Check. Doesn’t know everything. Check. Levels unrealistic expectations on situations and others. Check. Intentionally avoids things out of fear. Check. Lies. Check. Subject to poor judgment. Check. Experiences shame. Check.

‘Welcome to the club’, as they say. Move along folks, nothing to see here. Turns out, we’re all human.

News flash: Not One Among Us is Perfect.

As if life isn’t complicated enough, each of us is burdened with our own special brand of baggage that influences how we feel, react, and see the world. Sadly we often fail to offer much compassion for the weight of our neighbor’s baggage as we practice stuffing our own ugly under the bed. Out of sight, out of mind. Truth? It’s still there…waiting…always.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the best way to lighten the load is by exercising hard truths and taking personal responsibility for aspects of our lives that make us feel unhappy. Seems simple enough, right? Unfortunately, human beings are inclined toward comfort, and admitting the myriad of ways we orchestrate our own unhappiness is a tough order. It hurts to be brutally honest about the part we play, our missteps and mistaken choices. I get it…it’s uncomfortable.

We don’t want to feel bad. Our friends and family don’t want us to feel bad either and they’re always willing to let us off the hook because we all recognize that honesty is hard, and it doesn’t feel good to admit when we screw up.

Do it anyway.

Be courageous, exercise personal integrity, admit your choices and accept their consequences. Being brutally honest with oneself in the spirit of taking personal responsibility for our mistakes and failures (aka: owning our shit) is critical to our personal growth and happiness. Comfort breeds complacency. Noooo bueno. Complacency is the opposite of critical assessment. It is uncritical satisfaction. It’s a lie, and it isn’t lasting. Lie long enough and you’ll get real good at playing the blame game and playing the victim. It’s a bad, bad road that leads one to believe there is no freedom of choice, that the world and circumstance exercise complete agency over our lives. “Poor me, the world has it out for me. I didn’t want to do things this way, but I didn’t have a choice, and now my life sucks.”

Doesn’t sound like the kind of life I want to live. You?

While it is true there are external pressures that wield some power to negatively affect us, it is also true that our perceptions can provide us with the best course of action to combat negative spiraling. If we’re honest, we recognize and own our choices and their consequences, we learn from them, and we get on with things. We are not victims of circumstance. Complacency is a lived lie. Comfort cannot be a permanent state of being. Success and happiness are hard-won by doing the work, doing better, being better. Give yourself reasons to be proud of yourself. Get honest: who are you? what do you want, what work do you need to do to achieve it? Life can be stagnant or lived in a forward motion. It’s a choice.

Remember, Dear Reader: Lies enable complacency. Personal responsibility fuels forward motion. Another key point to remember is that you alone are responsible for your choices. It is not for others to help you fulfill or manage them. Your shit, YOU own it.

Own Your Shit and Rock On…

Sorry, Not Sorry…

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There is something to envy in the nakedness of trees. An unabashed, shamelessness. They are as they are, in whatever season they occupy. Each has its own distinct beauty, regardless of time or age.

We are like trees…

Except that we are thinking things consistently under threat from a manufactured world that can make us blind to our own beauty. Other experiences, mostly manicured, are marched before the eye via all forms of media. They often appear fuller, more beautiful and impactful than our own, even if we know better. A steady diet of such media does little for the soul and tends to enhance a sense of meaninglessness and destructive internal dialogue.

“I’m not good enough…I’m not doing enough…I’m not enough…”

Self destructive, loathsome internal dialogue. We wouldn’t think of treating a friend or a loved one the way we treat ourselves. Yet it’s so common to be kind to the world, but unkind to oneself. We let outside sources communicate to us who we aspire to be and we abide.

The simplest remedy for negative internal dialogue is to disengage from sources that reinforce it in ways that enable us to see our self worth. To take time to meditate on our abilities, identify our gifts, and recognize we exist to contribute something meaningful and profound to life. When the world creeps in and we start to feel inferior, it is important to stand up for oneself and acknowledge the profundity and uniqueness of life. Even the simplest actions we engage in during our lifetime are meaningful and profound in ways we may never know. Have faith…

You. Are. Enough.

Try this to retrain negative internal dialogue: refuse to be apologetic. Try listing a few:

I will not apologize for my life experiences, good or bad.

I will not apologize for the way I look.

I will not apologize for aging.

I will not apologize for the way I feel.

I will not apologize for my anger.

I will not apologize for my flaws.

I will not apologize for my opinions.

I will not apologize for my faith.

I will not apologize, for I AM ENOUGH.

And you are, Dear Reader. You are enough. I am enough. And we do not need the approval or affirmation of an outside world to believe it or live it.

Let’s be like trees, unabashed and shameless in the nakedness of our individuality. We are each beautiful and profound, in every season.

Rock on…

*Image courtesy of: http://www.womenlivingwellafter50.com*

Dear Reader [an apology]…

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A virus…wow…

Dear Reader, I am sorry. Let’s call it a distraction. Distraction from the norm, the world, life as we know it, anything resembling the usual day-to-day. Nothing makes sense. Nothing looks the way it’s supposed to look. Nothing functions properly. For the entire world, this horrid virus has disrupted everything, and crept (against all positive effort) into the psyche of every individual, like an intruder through an open window at midnight. A distraction to say the least.

Dear Reader, I am sorry. We have lost loved ones and friends, and as if this wasn’t enough for the heart to endure, we’ve been denied our basic human need to be at the bedside or hold a hand. We’ve lost our freedom to travel, to experience new things, to adventure. We have even lost the ability to venture forward, losing jobs or income, and facing meager prospects as many suspend hiring. We don’t get to see smiles anymore. Hidden behind our masks, we sit…and stay…and wait.

But let’s not repeat the news. For it rarely provides anything of substance, only promoting a grim picture and inciting anger and frustration. Isn’t there enough of that in the world today? Do we need a constant stream of negativity and blind regurgitation?

Step away from the screens and the sounds of the reported world…step away with me. Let’s endeavor to hope. Let’s imagine the smiles we cannot see. Let’s create our own dialogue.

Dear Reader, tell me when you smiled last. What prompted it? Was it a kindness? A sweet memory? Have you had many smiles lately? I hope this for you.

Dear Reader, tell me something good. When we’re finally allowed to emerge from our restrictions, what will you have learned? What positives occurred? What will you want to take with you? I hope you have had more good than bad.

Dear Reader, tell me your hopes. Is it a struggle? How have they kept your sanity intact? Do you hope for specifics, or something more abstract? I hope for you.

Dear Reader, you mean something to me. We are a species of survivors, it’s true. Moreover, we are a species immensely capable of great emotion, discernment, and creativity. Let’s cling to the better parts of ourselves and be here for each other in ways that matter. Let’s endeavor to be more. To be a lingering happy memory, a light in the darkness, a prayer of hope and healing. Let’s strive to be better and do better. Let’s be indiscriminately kind.

Dear Reader, I will be here, more than I have in the past. That is my promise. It is worth focusing my attention (now more than ever) toward promoting greater positivity and kindness. To persist in the belief that we can redirect our thinking toward what’s right with the world, instead of what’s wrong. Let’s endeavor to hope. There is no alternative worth pondering.

Rock on, all you beautiful, bold souls…I see you, and you are not alone.

Rock on…

Image credit belongs to: https://blog.ec4u.com/en/apology-sorry-how-to-apologize-to-customers/

Optimism and the Promise of Potentiality…

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Optimism naturally seeks ouFreedom Faith & Letting Got the potential for what is hopeful, kind, and promising.
Every experience possesses potential.
Potential occupies powerful neutrality, good or bad, catalyzed and shaped by individual interaction.
If we approach the potential of a moment with optimism, we allow it the power to gift us with good things. Moments cannot be owned or controlled, so expectations are out of the question. Freedom to exist in the moment dictates a level of surrender to what is unknown. The freedom to surrender is only achievable through an optimistic spirit, and it opens the senses to that which is beautiful and wondrous.
Feed yourself a steady diet of optimism by making habit of opening yourself to the experience the moment has to offer.

The lyrics of the Matt Simons song, “Catch and Release” provide a wonderful description of this process…

There’s a place I go to
Where no one knows me
It’s not lonely
It’s a necessary thing
It’s a place I made up
To find out what I’m made of
The nights are stayed up
Counting stars and fighting sleep
Let it wash over me
I’m ready to lose my feet Take me off to the place where one reveals life’s mysteries
Steady on down the line
Lose every sense of time
Take it all in and wake up that small part of me
That day-to-day I’m blind to see
And find how far
To go
Everybody got their reason
Everybody got their way
We’re just catching and releasing
What builds up throughout the day
It gets into your body
And it flows right through your blood
We can tell each other secrets
And remember how to love

There’s a place I’m going
No one knows me
If I breathe real slowly
Let it out and let it in
It can be terrifying
To be slowly dying
Also clarifying
We end where we begin
Let it wash over me
I’m ready to lose my feet
Take me off to the place where one reveals life’s mysteries
Steady on down the line
Lose every sense of time
Take it all in and wake up that small part of me
That day-to-day I’m blind to see
And find how far
To go
Everybody got their reason
Everybody got their way
We’re just catching and releasing
What builds up throughout the day
It gets into your body
And it flows right through your blood
We can tell each other secrets
And remember how to love

{To listen, use this link to hear a great version: https://youtu.be/HZm9P0w61_U}

Adventure and happiness often coexist within the courage of great abandon. The practice produces an affect not unlike the way filtering sunlight through a dense wood finds the dark ground beneath to illuminate and induce healthy new growth.  Optimism becomes a light that spawns the growth of happiness and new forms of optimism.
It is its own confidence…
Confident optimism is born of a million faith-tested moments. Be courageous. Run off the edge. Work without a net, arms wide to embrace the inherent potential of a moment to change and color your life forever in ways that defy all logic and definition 🙂

Examine the Alternatives…

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The word ‘alternative’ has two wonderful synonyms:  ‘option’ and ‘choice’.

And of course, a synonym is defined as ‘a word or phrase that means exactly or nearly the same as another word or phrase in the same language’.

So, ‘examine the alternatives’ simply means ‘consider all the options’ and ‘consider your choices’.

In every action or reaction, we should examine our alternatives.  The important key word in that statement is ‘examine’, because it should prompt one to contemplate what they are examining their options or choices for, but also why there is a need to examine them.Blog 18 Image

Do we make our choices blindly?  No.  Choices are made based on their perceived merit.  Merit should regard how our choices impact others through their potential to enhance and uplift life.  Trouble is, sometimes merit can stem from individual unhealthy needs or desires.  For example, if we choose to give our time and effort to another, but with the ultimate desire that our efforts be acknowledged somehow, say with simple appreciation (seems harmless enough…most people expect a little appreciation for doing good things).  But in such cases, we have given of ourselves with an expectation to receive.  Giving with the expectation to receive is not true giving…it is the result of a cost/benefit analysis conducted under the umbrella of a ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality.

And we are all guilty of it…so no harsh judgments here…

However, it can become a dangerous process….a habitual viewpoint of the self as victim to the world and circumstance.  It is paramount to get real in the examination of our motivations.  Truth is health, and truth is not always easy.  Ask yourself (and be honest) about any hopes, desires, or expectations you might be attaching to your choices and why you really need them.  Are motivations borne from loneliness, envy, unhappiness, or anger?  If our options and choices are rooted in these motivations, there is serious work to be done…inside.  Eventually, once the hard work is done and truth is achieved, loving and giving comes simply and clearly from the desire only to love and give, without the expectation for anything else.

NOTE:  This endeavor is part of the perpetual classroom of life; a renewable ideal, a process and lesson which needs constant gardening to reveal its infinite ability to improve with every season  🙂

blog image courtesy of:  http://www.alternatives.org/impact.html

Love Letter to the World (A Wish)…

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I love it when you smile… when you look upon others without judgment, with a kind heart…

And I love the look on your face when you receive kindness from others…
I love it when you make your children your #1 priority in life and the way they, in turn, make the world a better place for others, because of your efforts…
I love it when you’re not selfish; because you recognize that being self-absorbed means you fail to see the potential in others or contribute to anyone besides yourself…
I love when you give without expectation of reciprocity or praise…
I love when you consider the needs of others above your own feelings; because you understand your feelings aren’t always the most important thing in the world…you understand others have needs that may outweigh your feelings, feelings which may actually be very self-serving…
I love that you know happiness comes from the inside, not outside, so you don’t spend time forcing others to do things just to ‘make you happy’…
I love that you fulfill yourself and strive to be a better person, not just because it makes you better, but because you know you are contributing something positive to the world through your existence…
I love that you never hurt people, lie, or try to make others feel guilty…
I love when you choose to lift people up, rather than gossip or look down your nose at them…
I love how you always endeavor to find the good in things…
I love the way you support the goals of others, rather than tear them down, even when they don’t agree with what you think…
I love your humility, work ethic, and honesty…especially during tough situations…
I love your generosity of spirit and your humanity…
But most of all, I love the way you love me back 🙂

Fear SUCKS…

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If we sit around waiting for ‘others to change’ or ‘things to change’, or ‘a sign’, the end result will be inactivity and regret. This type of personal dialogue shares a single commonality, fear. And fear is the absolute opposite of faith.
Fear on its own is not always a bad thing. Some fear is even helpful, such as pulling your hand back from a hot stove or avoiding a suspicious looking snake. But more importantly, fears are learned behaviors. Likely, we learned not to touch a hot stove by being burned, or not to mess with snakes because someone taught us they were dangerous. Through our natural aversion to pain, we learn to avoid things that hurt us, as well as those we believe possess the potential to hurt us. This is a key point, because anything learned has the potential to be unlearned. It is important to consider this when examining the difference between fear and faith, in relationship to action.
If we are afraid to make a decision (to act), it is because we know we cannot predict its outcome or consequence. They are ‘unknowns’. Now consider for a moment that fear of an unknown is irrational, because it possesses equal potential for good and bad. Therefore, it is irrational to fear what is not known, because that fear stems from a fabricated rationale, the result of our own construction.
When we are presented with something we haven’t previously encountered, we draw conclusions through comparison. In the case of fear, we draw conclusions based on comparing unknown things to things we know to be harmful or potentially harmful, thereby allowing the unknown to be relabeled as ‘known’, or the irrational, as ‘rational’. By this process, we ‘know’ and we can realize the ‘benefits’ of rationalization to justify our fear and inaction, so we don’t have to risk the unknown… the gamble… which works great…until we begin to regret. Regret follows fear-based inaction, because fear prevents us from living fully by imprisoning and paralyzing us from accepting possibility, potential, and growth to enter our lives. Fear is stagnating…it is death. Faith, in contrast, is informed, but willing. Alive with potentiality that opens us to all possibility by denying fear the power to compel irrational, unfounded decisions.
Fearful living does not prevent bad things from happening to us. We cannot absolutely control, predict, manipulate, or will things into being. Unfortunately, we keep trying, because every now and then we have some success with the predictions, our manipulations. Those little ‘successes’ only serve to support our delusions and lend credence to our belief that our fears are warranted. This in turn, prompts us to apply them to every other situation causing a similar fear response.
The good news is as previously stated; learned can be unlearned. A propensity to fear is not easily conquered, but absolutely possible. Past does not have to dictate future. Let every new, unknown situation present itself as a challenge…a curiosity…a chance to choose faithfulness over fear 🙂

The Best Kind of Panties….

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**“She made me angry…” ** “That ruined my day…” ** “I just can’t get past it…”**

Are any of these statements really true?  Do others possess the capability to make us something we don’t wish to be?  Is it true to say someone, or something else ruined our entire day?

No…statements like these are fundamentally untrue…

We control ourselves… This is a true statement.

Seriously consider the power of such a statement over the others listed above.  The conclusion states we have the last word about what kind of day we have and how we are ultimately going to feel.  We are the harbinger of our own misery or happiness.  We are the ‘keeper of the mood’.

We understand it, in theory.  In practice, it gains difficulty.  That guy that cut you off in traffic, the boss who ‘just doesn’t get it’, or the person who treats you poorly and ‘gets away with it’; each tests our mettle and seems to bring on us (from the outside) anger, frustration, and misery.

However, it is the expectations we place on outside influences that are the source of our own anger and disappointment.  We expect things to go a certain way, or expect to be treated right, or expect people to behave well.  And when things don’t go as expected, we get disappointed or angry.  This is absurd, since we lack control over anything but ourselves.    If we account for the sum total of individual expectation for 7+ billion people on the planet, it isn’t hard to see how anger and frustration is manufactured on a daily basis.

Consider the power of change.  It is possible to enact positive change in our life, and it is through the mere decision to do so.  That is power that does not bend to outside influence.  That is power which dwells inside, produced by sheer will.  Your thoughts run you…

The very position of your will inside means it is protected from outside forces which will against it.  We are each a sturdy vessel.  We are our very own harbor in a storm.  We are each a force…

And because we possess such control, we are not victims…

It is necessary to own our mood and outlook.  It is necessary to be responsible for what we put out in the world.  If we are having a bad day, it is because we are choosing to do so…and that’s completely on us.  We are not a victim of someone or something else; we are choosing to victimize ourselves. 

So don’t do it….Put on those big kid panties and get on with living  🙂

 

*Image courtesy of:  http://aubenoire.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/no-expectations2.jpg*